Saturday, December 29, 2007
Well, Christmas wasn't so bad after all. We had a good time with our family and friends. I always wish we could have days upon days to visit, play games, eat, and make memories. I hate to say it this way, but if I had known it was Kims last Christmas last year I would have done things differently. I guess that is why we never know when it is someone's last moment. The memories just wouldn't be the same if we could stage those last few times we spend with them. I spent a couple of nights crying with my children about missing grandma. I wish my husband would cry about missing his mom. Anyhow, men...that's a whole other story!! I hope everyone had a beautiful christmas. I tried to bring up the good memories from the past to my children. One of those was from last christmas when my MIL gave my 7 year old underwear and I couldn't believe how embarrassed he was. It was a precious memory that will never be forgotten. Happy Holidays.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
I decided to type this in blue because it's how I'm feeling. I know that since my mother in law is gone that life will never be the same. I know that we will forever miss her. I guess my expectations were just too high. We are having so many issues in this family that I'm uninterested in celebrating Christmas and this used to be my favorite holiday. All I want to do is curl up in a ball, watch movies and sleep. I wish that it was not such a selfish world. I wish that things would just go over smoothly and that we could enjoy each others company. Why does it have to be so hard? I ask myself this question often never to get an answer. I don't want to be depressed and I don't want to shut people out, but I feel sometimes like that is my only option. I need to get out of this depression. I need a change in my life. I need a new turn, a change, something to get me going and be the happy person that I love to be.